Sorry, folks. No humorous news post this time. We killed Anetheron, but there's nothing amusing to say about it. Because let's face it, dreadlords just aren't funny. There's not much one can say about a species of demon that runs around with a fake Transylvanian accent, dresses in black, hangs out at Hot Topic at day, and listens to songs like "Stabbity Rip Stab Stab". The lack of humor from this post certainly isn't from a lack of trying. Here's a list of rejected titles for this news post:

• Why Did the Dreadlord Cross the Road?
• A Dreadlord, a Gnome, and Murloc Walk into a Bar...
• How Many Dreadlords Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?
• Knock, Knock...
• Yo' Dreadlord is so Fat, That He...

You see? Not even remotely funny. There's just nothing to work with here. Come back next week when we kill something I can actually make fun of.

After our hard-earned victories in Serpentshrine Cavern and Tempest Keep, the leadership of Elysian decided the guild had earned little R&R. So we chartered a gryphon caravan and set off for a vacation in the scenic and exotic Caverns of Time. On our first night in the Caverns we stumbled across a portal to the historic battle at Mount Hyjal, and decided to sneak a peak. We knew their might be a risk of changing the past, but we didn't consider it to be very likely. Just to avoid any potential problems, we instructed everyone to avoid talking to anyone in the past. Of course, this means someone just had to ruin everything by talking to Jaina Proudmoore...

We don't quite know what was said to Jaina, but it was clearly the wrong thing. The next thing we knew, the alliance base was being overrun with abominations, crypt fiends, ghouls, and necromancers. We had no intention of endangering the past by interfering in the course of the battle, but the scourge army left us no choice but to fight for our lives. We fought off wave after wave of undead, until their master, Rage Winterchill made an appearance. The lich was easily slain, and much to our surprise he was carrying several epic items. At the sight of purples, we quickly forgot about our promise not to interfere with history. After all, what harm could we do to the time stream by claiming a few souvenirs from the past?

With the battle over, we decided it would be best if we returned to our own time. Much to our relief, our journey into the past had absolutely no effect on the history of Azeroth. The love child of Jaina and Thrall just turned four years old, an alliance of night elven and tauren druids just revived the environments of Desolace and Felwood, and the United Nation of Trolls just announced the first annual Azerothian Peace Games at the Gurubashi Arena. Seeing as how our first trip to the past was such a great success, we may make anoth... Oh $#!%... This isn't how things were supposed to happen.

It was meant to be a night of celebration. After almost ten years since their last studio release, KT and the Sunstrider Band kicked off their comeback tour in front of a sold out audience at the Tempest Keep Amphitheater. Given the band's tumultuous past, many critics were surprised to see them reunite for this tour. Between Thaladred's frequent visits to a rehab clinic for mana thistle addiction, Capernian's sex-change operation, and a brutal child custody battle between Kael'thas and Lady Vashj, almost everyone expected the band to break up. But one by one, each of the band's members got their lives' back on track and was set to return to their former glory.

Unfortunately for KT and the Sunstrider Band, what was meant to be the first of many concerts turned out to be their last. Thirty seconds into their first song, "Blood for Blood", a crowd of zealous fans rushed the stage. Chaos engulfed the amphitheater when one of these fans accidentally set off the pyrotechnics display. The stage quickly burst into flames, and the band found themselves trapped between a panicked audience and blazing wall of fire. What happened next isn't entirely clear. Thaladred, Sanguiar, Capernian, and Telonicus all perished on the stage, either trampled by the fleeing audience or caught in the deadly inferno that consumed the stage. Kael'thas managed to survive the fire, but he sustained a severe concussion and third degree burns over a large portion of his body. He was medi-portaled to the Sunwell Plateau, where he is currently receiving medical treatment at the Magister's Terrace for his numerous injuries.

A spokesperson for Burning Legion Records had this to say about the incident: "We are all greatly saddened by this loss. KT and the rest of the band overcame great adversity in their lives to reach this point. This day marks a terrible loss for music lovers everywhere. Our thoughts go out to their family and friends."

Several months ago, the leadership of Elysian set a new course for the guild. Not content with the current state of the guild, we made the controversial decision to encourage each and every one of our members to obtain an exalted reputation with the Repair Bot Faction. The grind to exalted was not an easy task, even with access to daily quests such as “[70] Just Keep on Dying Until All of Your Armor is Broken” and “[70] You Really Didn't Want that Epic Mount, Did You?”.

Sadly, this task was not for everyone, as there were more than a few setbacks along the way. The departure of one tank and a few healers, combined with the inevitable slowdown during the holiday season left more than a few people wondering if we would ever reach our goal. But in the end our perseverance paid off. Countless consumables were consumed, the guild coffers were emptied, scores of repair bots were paid a fortune, and Elysian reached exalted status with the Repair Bot Faction... and oh, yah, we killed Lady Vashj.

In all seriousness, congratulations to all of our members. Elysian wouldn't be the guild it is today without your hard work and dedication. With Lady Vashj behind us, its time to look to the future: Exalted status with the Blacksmith Faction... and oh, yah, a fight to the death with some guy named Prince Kael'thas Sunstrider.

It's not resurrecting, it's passed on. This phoenix is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late phoenix. It's tanking the floor. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's pushing up daises. It's taking a dirt nap. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-phoenix!!

(Apologies to Monty Python)

Simbelmyne's version of what actually transpired that night.

Normally we don't divulge the tactics we use on boss fights, but we'll make an exception for this one.

1) Hang Solarian from the ceiling with a sturdy rope.
2) Blindfold one person in the raid and give him or her a big stick.
3) Laugh as he or she runs around blindly, trying to smack the boss with his or her stick.
4) Take turns with everyone in the raid until Solarian drops candy, toys, or maybe even a few epic items.

And in other news, we've almost mastered the art of standing in a straight line. We aren't there quite yet, but I'm confident we'll get it right before the next expansion comes out.

It was another lazy Saturday evening, and we were all enjoying the scenery in exotic Hellfire Peninsula when the tranquility of Honor Hold was disturbed by a most obnoxious yell.

Doom Lord Kazzak yells: Selling cheap WoW gold! 100G for 3 US dollar. 200G for 5 US dollar. Whisper me for more crazy prices!

Grrrrrr... and here we thought Blizzard had fixed the gold farmer spam problem. We were content to ignore it, but then we were all hit with the following whispers over and over and over again:

Doom Lord Kazzak whispers: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-
Doom Lord Kazzak whispers: Buy cheap gold at www.Demons4Hire.com
Doom Lord Kazzak whispers: Why waste time playing WoW when we can do it for you?
Doom Lord Kazzak whispers: Only 3 US dollar for 100 gold. Fast come fast serve!
Doom Lord Kazzak whispers: 200 US dollar for level 1 to 70. Just let me know!
Doom Lord Kazzak whispers: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-

We considered putting him on ignore, but we knew that wouldn’t solve the problem. He’d just wind up spamming someone else. We debated reporting him to a GM, but we decided it would take hours before we got a response. In the end, we figured the only way to silence this particular gold spammer was to kill him and camp his corpse until he gave up. So we did. Unfortunately, gold spammers seem to have an endless supply of accounts, so we fear it is only a matter of time before we hear from Gold Spammer Kazzak again.

Account #: 8675309
Account Owner: Lady Vashj
Service Address: 4376 Serpentshrine Cavern - Zangamarsh, Outland 90210

Our records indicate that you have a past due balance of 314,159,265 gold pieces. To avoid additional fees and to ensure that your account is not disconnected and remains in good standing, your payment is due immediately. Your earliest disconnect date is the first business day on or after September 27, 2007.

If payment of your past due balance is not received within 10 days of the disconnection notice then your water service will be terminated and we will be forced to kill your water elemental, Hydross the Unstable. You can prevent your water service from being disconnected by contacting a billing agent at... Oh, who are we kidding? We already know you aren't going to fork over the gold you owe us, you stuck up naga $#@%!. We're just going to kill your elemental now, steal his loot, and be done with it.

Sincerely,
Zangamarsh Water Authority

Surging with confidence from our recent Leotheras kill, we decided it was time to take on the next encounter in Serpenshrine Cavern: Fathom-Lord Karathress. While we anticipated that it would take a little effort to defeat this encounter, we were confident that we would overcome it with ease. After all, there are 25 of us and only 4 of them. How hard could it be? <insert ominous foreshadowing here>

After two nights of <insert graphic description of tanks getting manhandled by Tidalvess here>, getting behind on the enrage timer because that <insert plethora of derogatory phrases here> priestess wouldn't stop healing everything, and dying to that <insert four letter word ending in 'ing' here> cataclysm bolt, we finally killed Karathress and his cohorts.

In the end, all it took to claim victory was a flawless execution of our strategy. With this fight behind us, our next objective is mastering the fine art of standing in a straight line during a boss kill screenshot. We're pretty much doomed if a fight ever calls for us to stand in a line. Seriously, just look at this picture! Kindergarteners line up better than we do...

Tired of fighting gronn with anger management problems, emo pit lords, poorly maintained fel reavers, and overgrown fish for their loot, we opted to take on something a bit easier: a blind elf with mental health problems. Unbeknownst to us, Leotheras was surprisingly obnoxious for a blind guy with enough issues to fill an entire book by Sigmund Freud. We listened to him whine on and on about how his parents used to lock him in the basement when he was a kid, or how no one wanted to go to the senior prom with him, or how he’s in control of his inner demon, or how blah blah blah... After about ten minutes of listening to him prattle on we decided it was time to put him out of our misery.

With this encounter behind us, we’re ready to move on to something even easier than some schizophrenic elf. Next up, Elysian versus the Lower City Orphanage! Rumor has it those kids drop some really epic lollipops.